Overthinking?

Maybe I'll stop looking
out for old white cars to
potentially see who
you've become today.
He didn't even tell
me what kind of car it
was, since he didn't
know I'd grow paranoid searching
for it. Doesn't make
me feel any safer not
knowing what it is, for now
I'm eyeing every
car that drives
by my incessant soul.
Walking up to work? Yea,
better think of a better
way to avoid life.
I don't think it
would be as bad as it is if
I had just said goodbye
properly. But here's the
thing, you don't get
standard goodbyes when
it comes to
break ups. Even when he
still thinks about you
24/7, and it's obvious
that he does because
he asks your best friend how
you're doing but
you're not allowed to see
Him because of what
he did to you. Then,
you become obsessed with
trying to figure out what
happened and that damned old
white car looks like
it's following you  but you
can't be sure because the
past 20 old white cars looked
like they were following
you and right now, you
just need to breathe before
you have your third
panic attack this day and
you don't know what you're supposed
to think anymore and...
Breathe.
He's not here.
He cannot hurt you anymore.
The man you fell in love with
is there to protect you
through and through.
I question a lot whether
or not everything that
happened actually did happen. I
just want some proof that my
mind isn't going as crazy as
I feel it is. One conversation is
all I ask for. One single
talk about if we
could just be friends because sometimes
I think about that stupid
smile I fell in love with and
I have to remind
myself that I can't
have that smile anymore. It'll never
be my smile ever
again. I should be
thankful it'll never belong
to me but I want
it to just one more
time because when it did
everything was simpler.
Breathe.
I don't need him.
I have never needed him.
No matter how much
he felt like my oxygen.
He is gone,
right?